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Be careful of misinterpreted words and phrases
- Sometimes we say something with innocent intent, but the other person
misinterprets it. We mean to say one thing, but our pronunciation or inflection
causes us to convey something else. For example, in Chinese, the sound “ma”
said in a high-level tone means “mother in law.” However, said in a falling and
rising tone, it means “horse.”
- Be especially careful of the word “you.” Overusing this word can make the
person you are talking to feel defensive or threatened. Instead of saying, “You
need to speak louder,” try saying, “I am having trouble hearing.” Another issue
involves the dual meaning of “you.” Unlike other languages, English uses the
same word to refer to an actual person (for example, the person you are talking
to) as well as to a hypothetical person. Suppose you said to someone, “You
never know what’s going to happen next,” and meant to equate “you” with “people
in general.” The other person might think you are referring to him or her
specifically and take offense. A better alternative might be, “It’s really
unpredictable here.”
- If someone is upset, one of the worst things to say is “calm down.” It
might work one half of one percent of the time, but generally all it does is
make things worse.
- In general, think before you speak. Sometimes you do need to
(figuratively, of course) beat people up. However, do consider the alternatives
before speaking. As the proverb goes, “He who guards his mouth and his tongue
keeps himself from calamity.”
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